Red Sox Sign Matt Andriese
Red Sox Sign Matt Andriese
Red Sox fans can be forgiven for not knowing much about Matt Andriese, the reliever/occasional starting pitcher the Red Sox signed yesterday. So, to bring you up to speed, I offer this quick ‘n dirty edition of Matt Andriese Facts. Read this and you’ll be a Matt Andriese expert before you know it! Amaze your friends, amuse your enemies, torture passers-by, this list of Matt Andriese Facts is guaranteed to be as accurate as your average sports radio caller!
Andriese was born in Redlands, California, 70 miles east of Los Angeles, next to the San Bernadino Mountains. The town is known for its nineteenth century architecture.
Andriese was born with six fingers on his left hand, but had one surgically removed following birth. That sixth finger was later donated to a baby born with four fingers. Twelve years later, that child was picking his nose when the finger came unattached and lodged in his septum. Doctors weren’t able to remove the finger, but they were able to install a tube bypassing it, allowing the child to breathe normally.
Andriese played high school baseball with fellow major leaguer Tyler Chatwood at Redlands East Valley High.
Andriese led southern California high school pitchers in strikeouts, fewest hits allowed, and hit batters. He hit 28 batters in 40 innings his senior year, nine in the back, 14 in the butt, two in the ankles, three in the shoulder, and one in the back because, “I missed the butt.”
He once stole the mascot of a rival high school, a goat name Francis, and hid it for a week in his friend’s dad’s ‘66 Mustang.
He was drafted in the 37th round out of high school by the Texas Rangers, but didn’t sign because he claimed he was allergic to Texas.
He had a 2.63 ERA at University of California Riverside and was picked by the Padres in the third round of the 2011 draft.
That year the Padres drafted 13 future major leaguers including Andriese, yet A) to date only one has been worth more than 1.0 WAR and B) accumulated that value with the Padres. If you can name that player, you’re certainly reading the wrong newsletter and I would recommend Pads Outsider, a newsletter that doesn’t exist but which you should start immediately.
While in the minors, Andriese used to break into ballparks at night and turn on the sprinkler system. This would soak the field, forcing the cancellation of the next day’s game, and give the players a much needed rest.
After three seasons in the Padres’ system, he was dealt to the Tampa Rays along with Brad Boxberger and Logan Forsythe for Harold Finklegruber, Jarrett Grube, Bob Groom, Hans Gruber, and Rufus T. Firefly. Only Firefly made the majors.
Andriese pitched in 99 games for the Rays over four seasons, starting 48, all with a roughly league average ERA before he was dealt again, this time to the Diamondbacks for catcher Michael Perez and a ham sandwich. The Rays said they really didn’t want to let him go but they pushed the deal through because, “we’re kinda hungry and ham is delicious.”
He pitched for Arizona for parts of two seasons before being traded again. This time he was all three parts of a four part, three team trade. Arizona dealt Andriese to Philadelphia, Philadelphia dealt Andriese to Texas, Texas realized their mistake and dealt Andriese back to Arizona, Arizona dealt Andriese to the Anahiem Angels. It was later learned the Angels were drunk at the time.
After one (kinda sorta) season, the Angels didn’t offer Andriese a contract, so he became a free agent and signed a one year deal with a team option with the Red Sox yesterday.
Andriese likes golf.
And dogs.
He’s married and has a son.
He’s 17 feet tall and made of wood.
Thanks for reading Sox Outsider (and putting up with a slight bout of midnight silliness). Unless there’s big breaking news and the Red Sox sign another back-roster reliever, we’ll be quiet here until after the holidays. Happy holidays to all my subscribers, and a happy and healthy new years to you and all those special to you.
Looking forward to a new year of Red Sox baseball!
-Matt